Just nu önskar jag att jag vågade vara mer öppen i min blogg.. Men med tanke på vilka som läser - eller inte läser - så ska jag nog hålla tillbaka mina långa depprimerande inlägg.. Explanation; jag hittade en låt som drog fram alla sorger i mitt liv. A wonderful melody that burns into my soul and shows up everything there is to see. Jag lämnar över dagen i händerna på natten med en text - jag hoppas inte att folk tar det för bokstavligt och börjar tro att jag är suicidal - det är bara en känsla... eller en beskrivning av en känsla som inte har något namn... God natt mina vänner <3

I have never felt so deserted – so lonely – as I am doing in this very moment.

I feel like I’ve fallen from a height beyond the stars. In my head I’m lying on the pavement, lonely and my soul and heart shattered of emptyness, and the pavement is cold and hard and empty.

No… not empty… in my head I see it. The pavement is crowded. So many people… I can’t breathe… I want to scream and shout and get the attention of… I just want one – just one – soul to find me. But then the ache becomes worse, I understand. I can see the ground, the crowd, the pavement. Myself…

I’m not just silent to their ears, not only invisible to their eyes… I can feel by the way the passing crowd kicks me, lying down, when they don’t see me. I’m not just someone of no worth; I’m really, literally noone. In the crowds minds I don’t exist. I’m not just noone – I’m nothing… I look down on the hard grey ground and see the color differenses between the ground underneeth me and that around me – and I realise that it’s raining. My heart is echoing and screaming with silence, my body’s shaking with stunned pain.

In my mind I’m already lying down, awaiting death, but my body is stuck in reality, in a even harder and colder world – a even rainier nightmare than my dreams wet pavement. But in the real world I still lie down. I – like in my mind – await death. I’m patience – I’m in no hurry.

What could a few more seconds, minutes, hours… or decades… do…?

I strech out – in my head as in my reallity, whatever is wich – and I lie down.

And I wait.